Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
