I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize
