wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
Randomize
