Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
