The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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