Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
