The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
