My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
Randomize
