dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
