I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
