the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
