I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
Randomize
