i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
