so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize