I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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