people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
