I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
