no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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