Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
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