i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
