every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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