My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
