Old men and throwing up are my life now.
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize
