if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
