Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
