come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
