oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
you made out with another girl for some wings
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
