So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
