We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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