I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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