Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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