they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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