2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
