I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
