where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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