We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
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