He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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