The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Randomize
