her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Randomize
