She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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