I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
