The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
