she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
