we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
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