I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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