I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
