oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
