After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He? As in you personified your dick?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Randomize
