HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
