Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
