Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
