There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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