I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
