ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
