Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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