i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
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